Part 31: Victoria

Victoria hated video games. The XBOX in her room had been a gift from some out-of-touch aunt or uncle (she couldn’t remember which) who must have heard that was what young people liked, and the only reason it hadn’t been tossed out or regifted was because Mrs. Brixton wouldn’t allow it. She knew how expensive it was. So for three years, it had sat there, a resting place for dust, until it became as familiar and meaningless as the paint on the walls. But then one day, Hannah had discovered it and transformed it with her gaze. She wanted to play it, much to Victoria’s surprise.

Victoria had thought video games were for people like her then-recent-ex boyfriend (and then-still-current obsession) Sean, but Hannah had taught her that even Xander Cross played video games, which, once she got over the initial shock of contradiction, helped to cancel out some of Sean’s poison. Not all of it, though; she still wouldn’t play.

All of Hannah’s favorite games seemed to involve shooting: sometimes it was people, sometimes monsters, sometimes what Hannah called “Nazi scum,” which were apparently something in between. Victoria never paid much attention to which game Hannah was playing, or where they came from. They might have been hers, for all she knew. She usually just sat on the computer and talked to her other friends or took surveys, making sure everyone knew she and Hannah were together.

Saturday afternoon, as Hannah sat cross-legged on her bed, gleefully pressing buttons, hogging the air-conditioner, Victoria remembered the urge she had felt at lunch. She needed to change her profile, and change it soon. It was worse than she had thought. All she had in there now was a conversation between her and Hannah, an old conversation, and if she didn’t replace it with something, people might start to think they didn't hang out anymore, that their friendship was slipping away. 

James, especially, needed to know that Hannah was still her best friend, that they were spending this whole weekend together and Hannah wasn’t even thinking about him or the fight they had.

He wasn’t online right now, but that was all right. He’d be on before long. What else could he be doing? The kid was addicted to the computer.

Or maybe he was online and he had blocked her too.

Victoria put the thought away to deal with later. She wanted to ask Hannah about it but she didn’t want to remind Hannah about James - it might upset her again. Or it could make her want to talk to him, forgive him. It wouldn’t do anything good. But first, she had to fix her own profile, then she could deal with how to sneak something into someone else’s in case James had blocked her.

52207bestnightofmylife

xc     DONTsaygoodbye

There - that was easy. It wasn’t enough, but it was a start. Victoria saved it and started thinking about what else could go in there. Was it okay to put another Our Beautiful Misery lyric in there, or was that  like wearing an OBM shirt to an OBM concert? Again, she wanted to ask Hannah but - looking at her, so focused on getting to the next level or whatever you did in video games, biting her tongue, leaning forward - she couldn’t interrupt her. Her most important job today was to keep Hannah happy, after all.

“Get fucked, motherfucker!” Hannah shouted at the screen.

“Nice,” Victoria commented without looking.

Whenever Hannah talked about video games, everyone knew she only played them at Victoria’s house.

She made an executive decision: an OBM lyric was fine, as long as it was from a song that only true fans knew. One that other people - James - would have to look up. So nothing from Black Carousel - she had to go back to one of the old albums. The idea had to be that she heard that song at the concert and it was so powerful, so meaningful - so much more real than just listening to the album like everyone else did - that she had to pay tribute to it by putting it in her profile.

But what old songs had they even played last night? Victoria saw the concert already as a blur of colors, sounds, and feelings. It seemed like they had played every song they had ever written. How could they not have? 

She pulled up the OBM website to look through the list of song titles and lyrics to find the perfect one. But something else caught her attention first. Something that hadn’t been there the last time she’d been there - yesterday? The day before? It was small - to make sure only the real fans noticed it, of course - but clearly important. An icon of an old-timey piece of paper and pen, which made Victoria think of magic, and a bunch of letters that almost looked like English but not quite.

Something new, and she was the first to discover it. She would get to tell Hannah about it, and Hannah would tell everyone else, and part of the story would always be that she had heard about it from Victoria. So much better than a stupid inside joke from lunch with her sister. A much better way to give today some meaning. She clicked the icon and it brought her to a page where she read only the title: The Letter.